Decay

This is what I used to be able to do:

I'm in the white jersey!

I struggle with the fact that I no longer play volleyball every day. The sport used to take up hours and hours of my week, and leave bloody bruises on my hips, but you know what? Four years later, there's still no feeling in the world like scoring a crucial point or making an unbelievable save. 

I miss being part of a team. I miss pushing myself beyond my limits. I miss struggling, gasping for air, telling myself "I'm almost there." I miss the physical challenge with which volleyball provided me. I miss the pride associated with being a player for a national team, and the rush that came from wearing my team's colors and logo in front of the competition. I miss knowing that I killed myself to get somewhere. I crave that feeling.